Shocking if true, but still-unconfirmed town allegedly exists in Kings’ County SOMEWHERE IN KING’S COUNTY — Since the early 20th century, Island scientists have speculated that there may be a mythical “third town” on PEI — a village or community that was neither Charlottetown nor Summerside. Local eccentric Clara McInnis claims to be from such … Continue reading Local weirdo says she lives in “Monty-glue” or whatever, as if that’s a real place
Category: Uncategorized
Islanders speak: a fourth county?
A recent study suggests that PEI could benefit from creating a new, fourth county by dumping sand and rocks into the Gulf of St. Lawrence. What do Islanders think? “This is the greatest idea since taking pop out of bottles and putting it into cans.” Jamie Lannigan, software analyst. “Something like this could cost billions … Continue reading Islanders speak: a fourth county?
Room for more: Could PEI support a fourth county?
A study by a local independent think tank has proposed PEI could and should obtain another county, leading to a new era of economic expansion. It has long been the dream of PEI politicians of all stripes to expand the current three counties to include a fourth as-yet-unnamed territory. “How has no one else thought … Continue reading Room for more: Could PEI support a fourth county?
Meteorologists across PEI quit
“Why even bother anymore?” CHARLOTTETOWN — In a move caused by extremely predictable weather, every single meteorologist on PEI has quit, effective immediately. The Island is just going to be snow-covered forever. For. Ev. Er.Press release excerpt Due to a series of back-to-back-to-back storms this winter, coupled with frigid temperatures and extremely predictable forecasts, the … Continue reading Meteorologists across PEI quit
Snow plow driver tries to downplay joy received in blocking driveways of his enemies
STRATFORD — In a surprising development, local snow plow driver Kris Cuthbert admits that he actually enjoys blocking in the driveways of people who have slighted him. “I mean, it’s part of the job to push an extra 4-5 feet of snow on people’s driveways. It’s not always fun, until it is,” says Cuthbert. “Especially … Continue reading Snow plow driver tries to downplay joy received in blocking driveways of his enemies
PEI Senators stocking hat pulled out of retirement to be #1 starter as current toque remains in laundry
CRAPAUD — A storied veteran with over 30 years experience has been called into service in an emergency, day-to-day basis as the number one starter toque has been placed on the 14-day Laundry Reserve list. “The [bright red PEI Senators toque that was given out as a promotion at home games during the AHL team’s … Continue reading PEI Senators stocking hat pulled out of retirement to be #1 starter as current toque remains in laundry
Not too late to get ahead of the storm, say Island fathers
STRATFORD — Despite slashing winds, blowing snow, and a solid amount of ice on the roads, Island fathers agree that it is not too late to get ahead of the storm if you get out right now. “Plows are still on the road,” say all Island patriarchs. “If you need to get anywhere, now is … Continue reading Not too late to get ahead of the storm, say Island fathers
Chicken on sale, reports Island mothers
CHARLOTTETOWN — According to multiple Island mothers, there is a sale on chicken at local grocery stores, and you should get some before they sell out. “It’s $3.99 a pound,” said one local mother who wished to remain nameless. “It’s a good deal. You can get some for this week, and then freeze some for … Continue reading Chicken on sale, reports Island mothers
All items on restaurant menu in quotation marks
RUSTICO — Reports circulated yesterday of a restaurant where all items on the menu have one — or multiple — items in quotation marks. Sammy’s Diner, a local restaurant specializing in pub “favourites” and local “cuisine,” advertises itself as “Famous for our ‘generous’ portions!” A brief glance through the restaurant’s 14-page laminated menu revealed multiple … Continue reading All items on restaurant menu in quotation marks
The Islander 