SHERWOOD — A neighbour of a local junior high school — home to the best sledding hills in the greater Charlottetown area — has announced the 100th broken bone since earlier this morning.
“[100 broken bones per day] is always a target we like to hit, but we never expect to hit it so early in the day,” says sledding expert Paul Nolan. “This has been a great year for injuries on that hill. Really exceeding expectations.”
“What kid wouldn’t want to fly down a hill at 30km an hour?”
Paul Nolan, sledding expert
Nolan went on to explain that there were numerous near-misses as well, but plenty of concussions to go around.
“Look, it’s a different time now. What used to be called a bump on the noggin is now called a concussion. It’s not like the 80s when everyone had Krazy Karpets and no fear of permanent brain damage.”
“Either way, once we get some water pumping trucks in here to ice those hills, I can see those numbers doubling. And then March Break? We’re talking record-breaking numbers here!”
Should Nolan’s projections prove accurate, he expects to go ahead with off-season construction to improve the already-steep hill.
“Sure ‘experts’ and ‘engineers’ and ‘public safety’ and all that. But what kid wouldn’t want to fly down a hill at 30km an hour? Especially after [the off-season construction] to make it an 80-degree angle? That’s what I want to see!”
It should be noted that after this report was filed, it was discovered that Paul Nolan is the sole owner of Nolan’s Casts, Crutches, Head Bandages and Physiotherapy, and is currently the defendant in dozens of court cases.
The Islander 