Meteorologists across PEI quit

“Why even bother anymore?”

CHARLOTTETOWN — In a move caused by extremely predictable weather, every single meteorologist on PEI has quit, effective immediately.

The Island is just going to be snow-covered forever. For. Ev. Er.

Press release excerpt

Due to a series of back-to-back-to-back storms this winter, coupled with frigid temperatures and extremely predictable forecasts, the PEI Professional Meteorological Association issued a wide-ranging statement regarding the future — or lack thereof — of the profession in this province.

“The Island is just going to be snow-covered forever. For. Ev. Er. And there’s no sense pretending that this isn’t the case anymore,” reads the first page of the rambling, 70-page press release.

“Seriously. Like, it’s going to snow forever. We cannot, in good conscience, accept our salaries going forward knowing that we can safely issue one final weather forecast for the next 60 years.”

An annex in the release provided a document marked “Valid until 2085.” The perennial forecast states “Snow, between 5 and 50 cm, every day between December and May. And it’s going to be cold too.”